For the past couple of weeks, I've been working intermittently on a personal website. Since it's looking increasingly like I'll be going into the web field, it seemed like a good idea, and probably something I should've started earlier (in all my free time...). It seemed like a simple enough matter at the time, but it's instead lead me to transform my thoughts on who I am, where I'm going, and what it all means.
One might think that a website is a pretty simple matter, and, indeed, it can be. Some websites have a laser-like focus, an audience in mind and a specific message to leave that group with. Such sites are easy to craft, and, unfortunately, not what I had in mind. No, what I decided upon was a site to tie together and show who I am and what I do. Currently, I have bits and pieces spread far and wide – a blog here, photos elsewhere, stuff from RPI at yet another place, and professional samples hither and thither – and nothing to tie them all together, explain them, or expound upon them. Unifying them, and presenting them to everyone who might be interested in a rational manner, is quite a challenge.
My initial thought, which I have now abandoned, was to delineate it into sections based on how we usually subdivide our activities. I had a “Personal” section, a “Professional” one, “Ministry”, and “Academic”. All seemed well and good. I made a nice design, did up some great graphics, and was ready to put together content. And it was there that it all fell apart.
The problem that came up is that very few things fall neatly into one of those categories. Take, for example, this blog. It's a personal thing, in that I don't get paid for it and a lot of what drives it is the events of my life. At the same time, the thrust is primarily that of practical theology, giving it claim to “ministry” status. For certain types of web work, it would provide a sample of my skillz, so it could be professional. To pick any one of these categories for it is to risk it being missed by two categories of potentially interested people. To put it, and everything else with a conflict, in multiple categories is to create a very confusing website, with some, but far from all, information placed redundantly and semi-randomly throughout. This obviously will not do.
What this brings to the fore is a question of how one defines his identity. Somewhere I encountered in a story (I have no idea which) a scene where a character was asked the simple question “who are you?” The person asked responded with his name, his family, and his accomplishments, and each answer was rebuked as unsatisfactory, because it was too shallow a meaning of “identity”. In the end, if I recall properly, the character was left without an answer. Identity is both deeper and more complex than we acknowledge. To maintain simplicity in our busy lives, and, really, to make it all easy to organize and manage, we condition ourselves to be satisfied with simple answers. Unfortunately, they don't work.
For me, at least, the lesson and conclusion is that a life, or at least one such as I want to live, is a cohesive whole. There is a foundational set of things that make me who I am – faith, history, education, relationships, and, yes, even possessions – and everything I do is an outworking of that foundation. In other words, identity must drive activities, and activities reflect identity. Each activity will draw upon the facets of my identity in different ways and amounts, of course, but each must in some way contribute to all.
The concept, from a practical standpoint, isn't new to me. What is new is the explicit statement of it, and the conclusions that such a statement begets. First and foremost, it means that life can't be compartmentalized. To know me as a person is to know me as an academic, a professional, and a Christian. Though perhaps not explicitly laid out, those who know me in a professional setting should find my Christian service no surprise, for example, nor should my church associates be shocked to discover my career or my hobbies. Second, no one activity can be allowed to take over my life: becoming a workaholic starves other outlets, being consumed by family leads to neglect of other duties, and even the life of the Church can drown out other important calls of service.
Third, and most to the point right now, it means that I've had to change how I describe myself to the world. As opposed to what I do here and there, my story is now: Who I Am, What I Do, and Where I'm Going. There's a lot more work in defining those sections and answering the questions they imply. But, they're the questions that count. Yet another case where the journey is, perhaps, of far more value than even the destination. And that, to return to the original topic, means the website is getting redesigned.
"Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and he will make straight your paths." (Proverbs 3:5-6)
