What I'm Learning

"The fear of the LORD leads to life:
Then one rests content, untouched by trouble."
- Proverbs 19:23

Some may recall, from way back when, that I've been trying to figure out what God's been up to in my life. Because, back in May, He put me at home when that was the one place I didn't want to be. I've been asking Him for several months to explain this to me. And I think I have a partial answer now.

Basically, I think it's about two things: contentment and trust. I'd been getting shades of the latter for a couple weeks or so now, but the first only really struck me today.

When I looked at the prospect of co-oping, I wanted one of two things. I could have taken staying near RPI, and enjoying being able to spend as much time as possible with my friends (some of whom have become adopted family) there. Failing that, I wanted to be by myself, to think, to relax, to spend my evenings reclining on a couch with a hot cup of tea, cozy and content. I didn't want to be at home, sitting in the midst of organized chaos.

Don't get me wrong - I love my family very much. I've just been away long enough to be out of the swing of things, so being at home tends to swing me between being worn out in the excitement or bored in the recuperative periods. The main reason for this being that, while the rest of the family, having not disappeared to Troy for a year, have things going on, I don't. In all actuality, I didn't when I left either, but I was blissfully ignorant then, and I'm not now. Independence is addicting.

Realizing this, at least dimly, home didn't exactly seem like an enticing plan. But that's where God put me. So, in the midst of complaining, I asked Him to show me why. Part 1 was Grandpa's death. After that, though, I tried to get to Troy for the Fall, and was stymied again, so I knew something else was up. It took me a while, but now I'm here, with at least a theoretical knowledge of the point.

And the point, it seems, was to teach me a lesson about life with God. Basically, it boils down to this: God is what matters. Have Him, and you can be content in any circumstance. Lack Him, and even you heart's desire will leave you feeling empty. It's Christ's classic formula: "For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it." (Matt. 16:25)

This, this here, is where Trust comes in. To have what I want, and what, in fact, God has given me, and to turn around and give that up seems extremely irrational. Even if that's what God's told me to do, it seems crazy. But by what other method could He teach us to trust Him, than by asking us to lay on the altar His gifts to us. He did it with Abraham and Isaac on Mount Moriah (Genesis 22:1-19). When Abraham gave to God his most prized gift, God returned it, and in so doing wrought a transformation in Abraham. Indeed, according to James 2:21, it was for this act that Abraham was declared righteous.

What Abraham did required total trust in God. Trust that God had a plan, and that He could and would preserve His word and work to Abraham's good. And one that was active, shown to be alive because it compelled action. And it was that trust that was rewarded.

Thankfully, God hasn't placed me in such an extreme scenario. In fact, it's relatively benign. Living at home, while not what I wanted, isn't exactly a hardship. And I haven't been completely separated from the happenings in Troy, nor been cut off from relaxing completely. But the point remains the same: as the proverb says, contentment rests on the fear of the Lord - obeying His leading. The rest is in His hands - there is no better place!